If it were not so...

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.”
Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?”
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." [emphasis added]

John 14:1-6

Doubts about the claims of Jesus have plagued me on and off for the majority of my adult life. But I have come to believe that this is just the result of some spiritual genetic defect that I may have to live with for the rest of my life. Everybody has their deficiencies, and this is one of mine.

At the dinner table the other night, I offered H, my daughter, some new food to try.

"Is it spicy?" she asked, predictably. H hates spicy food.
"Would I give you something spicy?" I answered with a question of my own.
She nodded.
Annoyed at her lack of trust, I began probing.
"Don't you think I know you don't like spicy food?"
She shook her head and kept her lips sealed together tightly.
"I know you don't like spicy foods. This isn't spicy," I said.
No change in her posture.
"Do you think I'm lying to you?" I asked.
"Mmhm."
"Have I ever lied to you before?"
"Mmhm."
"What?! I have not. Oh, never mind."
And somewhere in the back of my mind, completely unprompted came the phrase, "if it were not so, I would have told you." I was almost startled, but not quite. "Why did I think of that?" I wondered to myself. It almost seemed to fit the situation, but not quite.

So I've been thinking about it.

It's almost the same question I was trying to ask H, but it's taken to the next level. I was asking her, "Do you think I would give you something bad without saying anything about it?" But Jesus is asking His students, "Do you think I would fail to give you something amazing without saying anything about it?" Jesus had - no - Jesus has every expectation that our trust in Him will result in our anticipation of wonderful things ahead. If there were no wonderful things to be anticipated, THAT would have warranted an explanation. Lacking further instruction, we should expect divine goodness. This is no pie in the sky prosperity gospel. To the contrary, pain is also one of His promises. But there is a point to it all. He told the church at Ephesus, "To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God."

As I read it over in this new light, John 14 is fantastic. I can hear Jesus pleading with them to keep believing. It's like He knows that when He is gone, the doubts will begin to creep in. "No," He's telling their future doubting selves, "it wasn't all a fantastic illusion. It was real. I was really there with you. My promises were true, and we will be together again. Hold on. Just a little further. I know I am asking a hard thing. Hold on."

And for now, the doubts begin to fade. They will come back. But when they do, it will be because I have changed - not because there is any less substance to the things hoped for.